Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
