Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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