you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
