i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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