Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
