at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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