In the future we'll all be gay
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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