she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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