is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
