Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
