After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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