WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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