my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
