Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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