i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
