can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
