dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize