Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
