We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
