also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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