that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
