Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
