wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
