im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
