So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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