My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
