I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
