I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
