There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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