Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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