Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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