I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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