..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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