JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
