just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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