I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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