I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
