omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the liver wants what the liver wants
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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