I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
