Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize