Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
