My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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