His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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