It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
