If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
