Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
