You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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