carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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