I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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