I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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