I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to have your abortion
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We need a shit load of segways right now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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