My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Drake has all the answers
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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