Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
