Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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