Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
