youre lurking in front of me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
