I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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