i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
