dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
