im drinking this country out of the recession.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
