Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
