More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
