Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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