Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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