Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
